Sometimes I have conversations with my subconscious. Most of the time, those conversations go a little like this:
Subconscious: Don’t Judge the man that failed to raise his kid.
Me: Is a man that neglect his kid really a man?
Subconscious: you’ve had 5 boys that you didn’t father call you dad. Aren’t you in over your head? In the deep end of the pool?
Me: yeah but I can swim.
Subconscious: What makes you so special?
Me: I am not special. The boys are special. If they are hungry I feed them. If they need clothes I buy them. If they cry I hug them.
Subconscious: Who will help you when you’re weak?
Me: My wife Stacey Goodson will always be there for me. I will also ask for help from other strong fathers and strong families. A strong man will ask for help when he needs it.
Subconscious: What if you have to send a kid home? What would you do? Will you miss him dearly?
Me: We’d have a party. A kid going home gives us a reason to celebrate. Besides, if we do it right, that kid and his family will remain in contact with us if they feel it necessary. So it’s not goodbye. It’s “see you later.”
Subconscious: But you are tired. I know you are tired. You complain about it all of the time. Maybe not out loud, but I hear your thoughts.
Me: Good! Keep telling me that I’m tired. I’ll put systems in place to remind me that I need a break. I will practice proper self-care so I don’t snap. These kids need me.
All kidding aside, my subconscious can sometimes get the best of me. I often have to convince myself that I am doing the right thing. I second guess myself often, but I believe that it can be healthy.
Foster care is a lifestyle and only those who understand that it is a true calling from God.